Blake Schwendiman's Blog and Blook

Chapter 39

Saturday, 12 March 2022 – 3:30 p.m. SAST

Brad and Anupama spent the majority of the day helping finish the interior of two new homes. Dozens of volunteers helped in the painting, tiling and carpeting of the homes. As always, Brad and his wife worked in the same area of the homes so they could be close and talk. Even after years of marriage, they always found something to discuss.

Brad seemed to be distracted today. Anupama tried several conversation topics, but nothing stuck. Eventually Brad would drift off into a thoughtfulness that Anupama did not recognize.

“Brad, are you sure you’re okay today?” she asked several times. Each time the answer was the same.

“Yes,” he would reply then follow with “I love you so much.”

They spoke briefly about the tragedy in Karachi, then of local politics and of the weather. By noon there was a serene stillness about them both. The work party broke just after three p.m.

“Do you mind if we go downtown before we go home?” Brad asked as they loaded into their car. Brad usually didn’t like to go out. It was particularly unusual that he would want to go downtown before cleaning up, but Anupama could sense that Brad needed something.

“That would be fine,” she answered.

He started the car. There was an initial squeak in the engine as it turned over.

“We really need to get that checked,” Anupama commented. “This car may not last much longer.”

Brad smiled. She was right, but he knew that it wouldn’t matter tomorrow.

There was silence for a moment as Brad weaved through the residential streets toward the highway. “I may be getting a visit from an old friend,” Brad said as nonchalantly as he could. He had spent most of the day trying to decide if he was going to say anything at all.

Anupama felt that this was not good news. “Who?” she asked.

“An old coworker from India named Daniel.” Brad tried to sound upbeat about the information. He glanced over to read Anupama’s expression. She was clearly concerned. The truth was, Brad didn’t actually know much about the cause of his death, but he felt that it would involve Daniel. He assumed that eventually they would discover what he had taken from Naidu when he left.

“He’s not visiting on holiday, is he?”

“No, if he comes it will be work related.” Brad tried to force a smile. Anupama started to say something, but he cut her off. “I wanted to go down to the market, pick up a few things and maybe grab a bunny.”

Anupama knew that Brad always loved to visit the Victoria Street Market with its eclectic offerings and bustle. It was the only place that Brad liked to go that was busy. He always liked to walk past the spot where they had first met and reminisce about all the changes in their lives since then. And he always enjoyed a bunny chow, the curry-filled half loaf of bread unique to the area. They would usually get one bunny to split and eat it while they observed the crowds of the market.

“That sounds fine,” Anupama commented. “Are you sure things are okay? It seems you’ve been worried today – perhaps about this visitor?”

“It’s nothing. We’ll deal with that if and when it comes.”

There was silence in the car for a few moments. Anupama was concerned, but she knew not to press Brad about his past. He hated discussing it. She knew very little of his work, but she knew that he left for personal moral reasons. She had never considered that he could be in danger for having left, but it crossed her mind as they approached Durban.

“Do you have any regrets in your life?” The question broke the silence. Brad had a gift for jumping from topic to topic without a thread of continuity.

“Sorry?” Anupama asked. The question was so disconnected from her thoughts that she wasn’t sure she had heard him right.

“Any regrets. I mean, do you feel like you missed out on anything? Something you would have liked to have done or experienced?”

Anupama considered her answer. She had always wanted to have children, but they had decided early on in their marriage that they were too old. Brad was forty-four and Anupama was forty-one when they married and though they could safely conceive at that age, they felt that they were not emotionally young enough to properly raise children. They had fully established their lifestyles and they enjoyed their quiet time. But deep inside, it truly was the one regret she had.

“Children,” she said. “But you know that. It’s not so much that I regret our decision, but I do regret that we met so late in our lives.”

Brad reached over and gently took her hand. He felt the same way at times, but he had another motivation for not wanting to bring children into his life. He didn’t want to leave them fatherless at a young age. He smiled at her, but there was nothing he could say.

“What about you?” she asked, changing the subject before the tears started.

“So many,” he answered. “But none since I met you.”

Anupama squeezed his hand. She wondered if he would open up. “Can you tell me about it?”

Brad sighed. “There’s too much to tell. We don’t have the time.” He chuckled and shook his head.

Anupama waited.

“I sometimes just wish I could go back and change it all. Not so much the things that I did, but being involved with those people, those businesses. It was all greed and power and corruption. And I was there in it. If I could go back...”

“But you are not there now,” Anupama reassured. “You chose to leave. And that speaks volumes about your heart. It’s all in the past. Don’t think on it.”

Brad smiled. She was the greatest gift of his life.

They spent a few hours of quiet browsing in Durban and shared a lamb curry bunny chow while enjoying their time together. Eventually Brad realized that his present had caught up to his future. The time to return home had come.