Blake Schwendiman's Blog and Blook

It has recently come to my attention that children obtain most of their social cues and even some of their learning by observing their parents. For some reason I was either not given that information or I failed to grant it enough priority to remember it until my daughter provided me with an experience that forced me to re-evaluate my example.

As any good parent, I strive to ensure that my children are provided with a broad base of experience and opportunity. I always encourage them to meet new people (which, if you know my daughter, is not really a problem), to be involved in new activities and to try new foods – which, coincidentally is the beginning of this learning experience.

At about age four, my daughter was interested in trying any new food. I rectified that problem one evening by acquiescing to her request to try the hot mustard I enjoy with egg rolls. What I failed to recognize while recovering from a fit of laughter at her reaction was that she learned not one, but two important lessons from that experience. First, she obviously learned to get a second opinion about any food before tasting it. Second (and this is what I failed to recognize), she learned that it is funny to watch people eat something that they don’t like.

Fast forward about one year. We had spent most of the evening out running errands and considering that we live in Phoenix, we were hot and tired when we finished. I was sitting in the back seat of the car with my daughter and mentioned that I was very thirsty, but it was late and I didn’t want to stop just for a drink.

I have to divert for a moment to comment on the amazing computational power of the human mind. In the split second between when I mentioned being thirsty and when my daughter next spoke, her brain performed a million very complex calculations. She instantly recognized the plastic cup in the rear cup holder and knew that it contained something to drink. She was also able to instantly recall exactly what was in the cup, how long it had been there and most importantly the axiom that I had given her: it is funny to watch people eat something that they don’t like.

Her comment was: “Daddy, there’s some water in the cup right there.”

Allow me to divert again for a moment to point out some interesting facts. According to the Wikipedia:

When raw milk is left standing for a while, it turns sour. This is the result of fermentation: lactic acid bacteria turning the milk sugar into lactic acid. ... Pasteurized cow's milk, on the other hand, spoils in a way that makes it unsuitable for consumption, causing it to assume an unpleasant odor and pose a high danger of food poisoning if ingested. The naturally-occurring lactic acid bacteria in raw milk, under suitable conditions, quickly produce large amounts of lactic acid. The ensuing acidity in turn prevents other germs from growing, or slows their growth significantly. Through pasteurization, however, these lactic acid bacteria are mostly destroyed, which means that other germs can grow unfettered and thus cause decomposition. In order to prevent spoilage, milk can be kept refrigerated and stored between 1 and 4 degrees Celsius.

In Phoenix it is reported that the interior of a car can rise to as high as 200 degrees Fahrenheit which is about 93 degrees Celsius – which is more than 1 to 4 degrees.

The semi-solid milk by-product in the cup that my daughter offered me slid surprisingly easily up through the straw and into my mouth and in approximately as much time as it took my daughter to concoct her plan, my brain evaluated the fact that I had not, in fact, consumed a straw-full of water and immediately put my body into an accelerated fight or flight mode.

Child locks on windows always seem like such a great idea until you find yourself trapped in the back seat of a moving vehicle with a mouthful of congealed sour milk. Surprisingly my wife found it difficult to interpret my flailing and closed-mouth pleas for help and therefore offered no real assistance in the excruciatingly long moments before I was finally able to throw open the rear door and spew out the bacterial experiment from my mouth.

After regaining my composure I turned to my daughter with a very serious what-in-the-world-would-compel-you-to-do-that look. She simply smiled and asked, “Was that funny dad?”